I wrote a poem about my life but I want to give you insight so that the poem will make sense .
My mother and Father died of cancer within two weeks of each-other and my mom was only 52 years old- that is HOW OLD I am right now —THAT—- is when I turned to drugs and THAT’S- when my nightmare began
I have horrible scars on my arms and legs from the severity of my drug addiction. You see and hear of a lot of drug addicts but do you see scars like mine!! Not only did I leave scars physically on myself but I left painful emotional scars on my family. I was on the news and in the newspapers; I was considered one of the 50 most wanted criminals in Colorado at that time
My TWIN SISTER-I caused so much pain and shame by using my twin sister’s name, Eileen. When Eileen and her children would go grocery shopping our out in public sometimes she would be surrounded by police officers. They would arrest her and she would have to prove who she really was. And unfortunate her children witness everything I caused; they would scream and cry watching their mother being arrested. Not only all of this but when my sister talked to me for the first time once I was released from prison, she said the worst part was the way I lived my life and that I took her twin sister away from her. I should have been the sister she should have run to when our parents died. It was her parents that died too—I should have been the sister who should have known her favorite color and favorite flavor of ice cream. When she was hurting or happy, she needed someone to express her feeling to – and that sister should have been me. I made her twin sister a drug addict and a horrible person. She no longer had a sister. I spent years on my knees praying to God to restore all I had done to my sister.
My Daughters where sweet very well mannered very loving innocent by-standards they have seen us get raided 5 times they have had guns in their faces from police WHEN THEY BRAKE IN THE DOORS TO RAID US THEY POINT GUNS AND ANYONE WHO MOVES AND ..and they WOULD SAY ON THE RADIOS THERE ARE KIDS IN HERE!! AND THEY have seen guns put in other people’s faces by friend of mine who used to owe me money- They were pushed aside for drug deals at times and at times thy asked and cried for a normal life THEIR MOTHER who should of given Godliness safety stability, Was doing drugs and committing crimes —–When I was arrested they were taken by social services all in one day— Devastated not knowing where they will go or what they will do
Also in my children’s case OUT SIDE THE COURT ROOM my lawyer told me that “6” or more years is AUTOMATIC GROUNDS FOR TERMINATION OF MY PARENTING RIGHTS, AND YOU ARE FACING 6-12 years he said, “ Ms. Rosetta you won’t even get to know how they are or where they are or anything.” My Lawyer did not care that what he was saying was KILLING ME!! I was facing “6” to 12 years. SO BASICALLY I HAD NO HOPE AT ALL!!! When I stood before the judge in the courtroom, I BEGGED HIM TO PLEASE OH god, DON’T TAKE MY CHILDREN!! HE SAID I SHOULD OF THOUGHT OF MY KIDS WHEN I WAS OUT DOING DRUGS AND COMMITTING CRIMES AND GET HER OUT OF THIS COURTROOM, HE WAS RIGHT in what he said.. but never the less I was DEVASTATED AND “REALLY” WANTED TO DIE RIGHT THEN AND THERE!!!
I gave my son his first line of meth and he received a 21 year sentence for drugs. There is no doubt that it is MY FAULT FOR THE WAY HIS LIFE AS TURNED OUT —-once I realized the mother I should have been to the mother I had been I was so ashamed so devastated and I begged the Lord …PLEASE GOD PLEASE USE ME as the instrument that GOD uses to turn my sons life around and maybe THEN “I can forgive myself”. NOW YOU ARE READY TO READ THE LORDS TESTIMONY IN MY LIFE!!! It is called
Severely Addicted to Meth
Almost to my own death!
Sitting in bathrooms for hours at a time
Just one good vain, I couldn’t even find.
On news & news paper you’d seen my face
Committing crimes all over the place.
Arrested for 36 felony crimes,
The end was here the start of time.
All alone in my cell,
I prayed to heaven from this hell.
They took my children and I wanted to DIE,
So much pain all I could do was cry.
My twin sister, disowned me and I was to blame,
I caused her so much anger and shame.
Judge said my life I lived a disgrace,
Crime and drugging get her out of my face.
6 or more year sentence will lose my parenting rights
no more even knowing them, completely out of sight.
Then I received a sentence of 11 long years,
The fear and pain shown in all my tears.
Now I will lose my children for sure,
The pain in my heart so deep so pure.
There is no way of Estimation–
To The heart break of my daughter’s DEVASTATION!
SORROW upon Sorrow and FEARS— Unspoken—
Their little minds and hearts -completely Broken!!
MAMMA-what did you do–
Now where will we go—What will we do?
WHAT have I done—now it’s too LATE—
Devastation and Destruction is now my families FATE
THROUGH sorrow and pain I began to search—
After other inmates invited me -I thought ok I’ll go to church!!!
THE chaplains and ministers had amazing things they said–
THAT JESUS is the answer to ALL the FEAR S IN MY HEAD
SO I fell down to my knees—-
And I began to ask– LORD PLEASE!!!!
TO change my heart and my whole life too–
Lord ALL THIS PAIN I GIVE TO YOU!!!!
WAY deep WITHIN my heart
is where He did start
I felt a change start to begin—
FORGIVENESS —–NO MATTER HOW BAD MY SIN!!
THEN—-Amazingly —-and —-PROFOUND
MY ENTIRE LIFE— BEGAN TO TURN AROUND
I received a letter and this is what it read
Long term Foster care instead is what it said !
Because In that court concerning my children’s case
LORD changed that judges heart-BACK TO THEIR mother their placed
THAT Judge said Ms Rosetta I COMMEND YOU THIS DAY
For you life has changed in every way!!
THAT JUDGE said in ALL his years sitting on that bench—
he’d never seen such beauty come out of such stench
HE said it honors me this day—-
to give you back your children in every way!!!
GODS promises beyond our expectations –
He’s giving me a whole new generation!
WITH all their personalities and their little charms
Soon I will be holding 7 GRANDCHILDREN IN THESE ARMS
NOT only a GODLY MOTHER but NOW a GRANDMOTHER —-TOO
That old life is gone—-Behold—- ALL THINGS ARE NEW
My sister has forgiven me and now WE ARE SO CLOSE
WE are EVEN now CLOSER THAN MOST
Her favorite color is brown
And her favorite flavor of ice cream is BUTTER PECAN
OUR new relationship is THE GREATEST
NOW there’s no way you can EVER separate us!!!
MY SON Rocky-well He seen what Jesus has done in my life
And through his sorrow and fear, he began to search
Seeing HIM moms new life-he thought ok I’ll go to church
THE Chaplains and ministers had amazing things they said—
JESUS IS THE ANSWER to ALL the fears in HIS HEAD
So—ROCKY fell down to HIS knees
And ROCKY began to ask Lord please
To change HIS heart and HIS whole life too
Lord-all HIS pain- he gives to you
Rocky received a letter and this is what it read…..
YOUR son Jonathan needs to know you…. Your-his father…. it said
Slowly but surely God is beginning to restore
a young boys heart and his daddy…. and more!
Rocky’s —-bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh
God is creating a testimony out of all of this mess.
God will give Rocky—– the desires of HIS heart—
His own son in his life—— and a brand new start!!!
HOLD ON there’s more to THESE CEREMONIES—
SOON ME AND MY SON will be doing —-TAG TEAM TESTIMONIES!!
Then one day into my life a man walked in,
He reminded me of Jesus with skin
As godly things he said and did
He even began to call me his rib
How deep that touched my very heart
As God placed in Antonio every desire of my heart
He sings me songs and writes me poems!!
He sent to me…..straight from heavens home.
God blessed me with this man he sent into my life
And now I am honored that I am his wife
I call him …….my Romeo
LORD YOU answered each prayer with blessings YOU GIVE
17 years out of prison- A whole new life I LIVE!!
AND JESUS I LOVE YOU
JESUS I NEED YOU
THESE ARE THE GREATEST WORDS I EVER SAID!!
JESUS YOU FORGAVE ME
AND JESUS YOU SAVED ME
Now my whole life is wrapped up in you
JESUS don’t– LEAVE me
JESUS —–BELIEVE ME
I AM NOTHING WITH OUT YOU!!!!!